MLK Weekend Airport Rant

Lubbock, TX= safest airport in the US of A? Maybe. Also MOST ANNOYING. This is the 2nd time I’ve been stopped there and had something taken away from me (well, this time it was almost taken away from me… but I went and checked another freaking bag so it wouldn’t be) that “holds more than 3.4 ounces” yet is EVER SO CLEARLY NOT FILLED TO CAPACITY. Last time it was a tube of toothpaste. This time, it was my face cleanser from Origins (see why I went back to check another bag; like hell I’m letting them throw that out).

Then, after I go check the additional bag and have to re-go through security (the check-in man asked me, “You still you?” No, buddy—I’m from a soap opera and I just had an emergency face transplant so I could get my evil friend on the plane…. Heh heh heh), they pull me aside and go through my backpack. Also, they were going through EVERY checked bag. My was full of dirty clothes and new-to-me-clothes I bought over the weekend from the Goodwill. Oh, and maybe some yarn and a crochet hook.

So, the guy is going through my backpack (into which I put my purse, as I customarily do at security). Granted, I did have a Diet Dr. Pepper in there (a new, unopened one, I will add) that I had forgotten about. So he pulls that out, proud to have caught me, a clear terror threat. Then he goes through every additional pocket. He found some Oragel that I didn’t even remember having, as well as a 3.5 oz. tube of lotion [it’s a wonder that got through… I was planning to fill the last .1 ounce with something to make the rest of the lotion explode] that were in my purse and scolded me, saying they were the right size, but I’d best keep them in the plastic baggie. Then he threw my DDP away, or maybe he drank it himself. I left and promptly removed the Oragel and lotion from the safety of the plastic baggie and put them back into my purse where they go. Hello, how is this helping anything?!?

Now, I’m all for security, but see, I’d traveled from Austin to Dallas to Lubbock with all those same things in tow, including the [maybe] 1/5 full face cleaner. You’d think that if it was that big of a security risk, someone would have given me a stern talking to long before. Seriously, I’m just annoyed.

Then I got more annoyed because they got my hopes up with the promise of a $100 voucher if I’d take a later flight to Dallas. I quickly and gladly volunteered (would have meant a much shorter layover here at the despicably low-ceilinged Dallas Love—in addition to low ceilings, the place is plagued by noise pollution—is it really necessary to have plasma TVs at every gate showing Judge Judy? I mean, with the airport-wide announcements, conversations of loud talkers on their cell phones, and the elevator music [currently playing “Love Lift Us up Where We Belong”] don’t we have enough audio input?!? Isn’t there SOMETHING that could go?!?). The guy told me to get on the plane and they’d come get me. I prayed silently the whole time that someone really would come pull me off the completely-packed plane; I only began to give up hope once we were actually taxiing onto the runway.

So, I’m here at Love, DDP-less, hoping my bags make it to Austin, without a $100 voucher. I did get to keep my aisle seat on the flight from Lubbock, but the lady across from me kept talking about me to her daughter (the aisle is not exactly “sound proof”); “Look, she’s got scrunchies on her wrist! Three of them! Why do you think she’s got that?” Actually, they’re rubber bands. I usually keep one; I happen to have three today because I’m TRAVELLING. They’re for putting my hair up. I know, I know, what a concept!

Ugh. Also, why can’t airports just HAVE free internet? Why must I go through a 3rd party provider for the low low cost of $6/hour? Don’t they know I’m a poor grad student? Who actually uses T-Mobile, anyway? [“The winner takes it all! The loser has to fall”… I know, Mom, I miss you too… We are educators who have your best interests in mind. ITT Tech… call 1-800-GENERAL RIGHT NOW!!!... (synthesizer solo about 2 octaves too high) “The winner takes it all! The winner takes it all!!!”]